Copyright Page
Still Standing: A Journey Through Shadows
Copyright © 2025 by Marcelle Trinkaus
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
This is a work of creative nonfiction. While based on true events, certain characters, events, and details have been altered or fictionalized for the purposes of narrative clarity and emotional truth.
For permissions, inquiries, or rights, please contact: lurchwashere@gmail.com
Cover design by Chantel Chaboyer
First Edition
Printed in CANADA
Still Standing: A Journey Through Shadows
Prologue – The Diagnosis
The doctor’s office smelled sterile—like bleach, paper, and dread. At fifty-one, he had grown used to unexpected battles, but nothing prepared him for the words: "You have Multiple Sclerosis." He sat still, eyes fixed on a motivational poster about hope taped to the far wall. It felt cruel. The kind of irony only life could deliver to a man already weighed down by PTSD, a man who had seen more than his share of war—both in his childhood home and on the battlefield.
As the neurologist spoke, his mind wandered, peeling back years like pages of a book no one should have to read. From a broken home to a broken mind, and now, a breaking body. Yet somewhere within the ache and bitterness, he remembered: love. Her. January 8, 2020. That day had shone like a lighthouse in a lifetime of storms.
Chapter One – The Last Night at Home
Sixteen. Too young to know what the world had waiting, too old to keep pretending it would change. The shouting was routine by then—his father's slurred threats, the sharp sting of backhanded blows. But that night was different. It wasn't the worst beating he'd taken, but something snapped inside him. The bruises no longer hurt as much as the hopelessness.
He packed a small duffel—two t-shirts, a pair of jeans, an old photo of his mom before she left. He slipped out the back door without looking back. He knew if he did, he might hesitate, might stay, might die.
Chapter Two – Street Lessons
The streets didn’t welcome him. They tolerated him. Nights on benches. Days spent dodging predators and pity. Hunger was constant, but loneliness was worse. He learned quickly: never show weakness, never stay in one place too long, and always watch your back.
There were moments of kindness—a café owner who gave him leftovers, an older homeless vet named Carl who taught him how to stay warm in winter. But even kindness came with strings or stories, most of them sad. Still, he survived.
Chapter Three – A Uniform and a New Life
The military didn't care about his past. Only whether he could endure, follow orders, become something more. For the first time in his life, he had structure. Meals, clothing, a bed. It was heaven compared to the street.
Training broke him down and rebuilt him stronger. His body hardened, but his mind—scarred from childhood—saw echoes of old pain in every shout, every drill. But he pushed through. He made it. And for a while, he believed he had escaped his past.
Chapter Four – The War Within
Combat zones weren’t just overseas. The real war waited inside his head. The things he saw, the brothers he lost, the chaos—he brought it home with him. Nightmares. Flashbacks. Rage at nothing and everything.
PTSD wasn't a term he used for a long time. To him, it was just being broken. But therapy, mandated and resisted, eventually gave him words. Understanding. A little peace. Still, it was never enough to silence the screams that only he could hear.
Chapter Five – Civilian Again
Transitioning to civilian life felt like stepping off a moving train. The world moved differently. People didn’t understand him, and he didn’t trust them. He held jobs, lost jobs. Tried drinking, stopped drinking. He learned to live with the noise in his head but never mastered it.
And yet, he kept moving. Because that’s what survivors do.
Chapter Six – A Light in the Dark
She wasn’t looking for someone like him. And he sure as hell didn’t believe he was someone worth loving. But there she was. Patient. Steady. Kind. She asked questions gently, never pushed. Over time, he opened up—not all at once, not everything—but enough.
Their relationship grew like a wildflower between cracks in concrete. Against all odds. And for once, he didn’t self-destruct. He chose her. And she chose him back.
Chapter Seven – January 8, 2020
It was a cold day, but his heart was warm. They stood together in a small ceremony, no fancy decorations, just the people who mattered. And her.
He said "I do" with a voice steadier than he'd ever known. For once, he wasn’t running. He wasn’t hiding. He was there. Fully. Present. Happy.
Chapter Eight – The Diagnosis
The tremors had started subtly. Numbness in his legs, a strange fatigue that never left. He chalked it up to aging, to the years of physical strain. But tests confirmed it: Multiple Sclerosis.
His first thought was of her. How would she handle this? Would she leave? She didn’t. Instead, she became his anchor, his advocate, his home.
The diagnosis brought fear, but also clarity. Life was finite. Every moment precious. He grieved, but he didn’t give up.
Chapter Nine – Acceptance, Not Defeat
He learned new routines. Adjusted. Fought the disease with the same grit that got him through war and homelessness. Some days were hell. Others, heaven.
He spoke to other vets, other MS patients. Shared his story. Found purpose in the act of telling it. If he could help one person feel less alone, it was worth it.
Epilogue – Still Standing
He stands now, not as the boy who was beaten, nor just the soldier, nor the broken man. He stands as all of them—healed in places, cracked in others, but still standing.
Because resilience isn’t about being untouched. It’s about rising again.
And again.
And again.
About the Author
Marcelle Trinkaus is a Canadian veteran and survivor of childhood trauma, PTSD, and a recent diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. After years of navigating the challenges of homelessness, military service, and personal transformation, he found love and stability later in life. Married on January 8, 2020, he now dedicates his time to writing, advocacy, and inspiring others who face life’s darkest moments.
Still Standing is his deeply personal debut—a story of pain, resilience, and the power of human endurance.
No comments:
Post a Comment